It’s All My Fault

I’m trying to absorb this lesson today — that much of what ails me is of my own doing.  The problem with being self-aware is that you’re self-aware.  That’s a burden, because if you know you’re all up in the crazy, you have the obligation to beat the crazy down.  My personal crazy is my ability to empathize.  But that ability is seriously cabined because it bumps right up against my lack of tolerance for stupid and entitled.

I’ve been given the mandatory opportunity for some workplace training next week.  As part of that training, we had to complete a Myers-Briggsesque questionnaire (I could have told you I was ENTJ before even taking the Myers-Briggs, but whatever).  My results on this workplace test indicate that I have a low tolerance for mistakes and am stubborn.  I already knew that.  I don’t suffer fools gladly — hell, I don’t suffer them at all.  The problem is that I can’t keep my disdain disguised,or under wraps, it seems.

It makes me wonder how I can get along with Russell Jenkins, Saul and Eli so well on the regular, because if ever there were fools, these three are it!  I went to open the door for the delivery guy just now, and came back into the living room to find that Russell Jenkins was no where in sight.  He’d been on the couch in what I thought was a sound slumber, but in the 20 seconds it took me to answer the door and collect my order, fool was ghost.

Then, I heard it:  “Slurp, slush, gulp, nom, nom, nom”.  That was Russell Jenkins acrobatically posed on the top of the kitchen garbage bin, eating an entire box of mint-chocolate wafer cookies.  And, here’s the thing — he has no idea that chocolate is bad for him.  He just loves that shit.  And I can totally empathize with that.  He would have been stupid not to go for it when the chance was right there.

What I’m trying to get to is that same kind of appreciation for laissez-faire-dumbness in my dealings with colleagues/clients/supervisors at work.  I think it’s hard because they usually wield the stupid against me and not in the pursuit of something they just really want to eat…really bad.  When I busted Russell Jenkins, his beard was full of crumbs and the look on his face was the definition of fear.  Fear not of me because, seriously?  That fool rules this house.  But fear because maybe I’d be disappointed?  Maybe.

I don’t want people I work with to be afraid of me.  That’s just wrong.  It’d just be nice if they had RJ’s transparency.  I give it all the time, but I think it scares them!


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