I sure wish it was Big Friday already. Missing the freedom (to do more work as it turned out!) when I didn’t have to go in to the office and face people who make me afraid. Seriously? I hate to quote Tyler Perry (ever!), but “I’m a grown ass woman”. It’s been a long time since I was nervous about my ability/my smarts/my contribution to the effort on the job, but all those butterflies are wrecking my gut right now. Being the new kid is the exact opposite of fun. For real. It’s even worse when you’re not exactly a kid.
As the universe is wont to do, however, I’m sure all this is leading up to a lesson about work and happiness and finding joy in service, blah, blah, blah … blurgh. I am halfway through the Chicago knitting patterns for what I hope will be a glorious gift to my adopted city and fellow knitters next Christmas, so there’s that. And, I’m working on finding some kind of community in Austin (which, the adverts would make one think was easy, but … fuggidity, no.)
Given the fact that everyone who knows and ostensibly likes me has said how great it was for me to pull up stakes and try something new and different, I have to believe that they might be onto something … I just have to find out what that something is. It’s not work. It’s just not, and it’s clear that any effort in that regard won’t result in the kind of settling and comfort that would lesson my unease. I’m made for something that doesn’t merit a lot of consideration in the office environment, I think.
So, we have 9 months to get through until there’s the next thing. It may still be this thing with a new lens, but it very well may also be me on the Camino for a year sorting out everything that’s unsorted right now… I’m excited at the prospect.