I don’t have any children … because the Universe is wiser than we know … Unintended harm is still harm.  To wit:

Doritos for dinner?  No problem.  Put some guac on that shizz, and it’s a full food pyramid; or

Is mama napping?  That’s the best time to take a swim. Let’s get the step ladder and put some s’getti on the stove first, to cook while we’re in the water. Then, when she wakes up we can have dinner.  And fire.

Seriously, I can’t.  I would for sure, no doubt, 100% love them, but taking care of them …. whoops, just fell asleep there for a second.  But, if I was ever at all inclined to, or found myself just magically waking up to some kids who lived here, there’s no doubt I’d be good at loving on them and snuggling them and knitting down the world for them.  Just ask Russell Jenkins. I’m pretty sure that if he woke up one day with the ability to speak English, his first words would be, “Stop hugging me” followed by “I do not want to wear that.  Ever.”

But, kids!  Well, I’d be happy to have help with laundry and  I would be the-absolute-bomb at teaching them the “sweep the floor” game.  (It’s fun, but you have to do it every day to really find the joy, baby.)  But the best thing ever?  First day of school schaudenfreude!  Boo hoo hoodeehoodeehoo, baby.  Try having first day of schoolitis EVERY MONDAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE and then tell me you don’t like what I packed for your lunch!

Back from travels for now, and, as you can see, just a bit loopier– obvs– for wear!


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