Just kidding. Forget about the plums. (See William Carlos Williams’ This is Just to Say) This is about some pre-vacation stink.
Hilarious and Tragic. That’s the name of the reality show I am about to film about life with Russell Jenkins. Because sometimes you come home late after work and class and take your dog for a bonus walk, even though he had three already. Sometimes there is a skunk just waking up to toddle around at exactly that same time. And, miracle of miracles, sometimes those two things come together in a magical union of are-you-kidding-me and I-hate-everything. And you become elastic, lithe and ninja-like in your moves and avoid the inevitable result of a skunk not liking you as much as you like the skunk. So you move, you bend and now and escape … and your little one-eyed, slew-footed, rhinoceros-shaped dog just cannot. And so, here you are at 11:33pm with a dog locked up in the bathroom after a tomato juice bath waiting for round two: lemon juice. The tomato juice industry is full of shizz and tried to make the off-label use of their product into a solution that does not (to my nose) work. We’ll reserve comment on the lemon juice industry for now. But, the gin and wine and Valium industries are about to see their market shares kerdouble overnight. Kerdouble is a word because I said so.