Your Mama

I have a lotta lotta lotta work to do tonight, and still plan to get a ride in (maybe a short one ~3 miles or so). So to get ready to ride and work, wanted to get chores out of the way and just took RJ out again because his new food …. I think the first ingredient is laxatives.

Screenshot 2016-05-26 23.15.06.png(Embedded from Getty Images)

On my way back, saw Maya and Mom coming home. Maya has been a little sass pants to me lately, but she’s a child and I probably encourage it because I don’t quite know how to talk to children and say grown up things to them because I get flustered.

So, this happened in this evening’s apartment theater segment I am calling “Your Mom Don’t Play”:
Me: Hey, neighbors! How are you?
Mom: Hi! Been a long week! We are dragging tonight.
Maya: Jennifer, my name is Maya, not neighbor. You better get it right.
Mom: Estas por la luna? Que te paso? You best stop it, little girl!
Me: … (because I am not about to say anything when Mom is telling Maya how to act right! Especially in Spanish. Nope. #puertoricanmomsgotitonlockdown)
Maya: I apologize, Missus Jennifer. I had a hard day today and I am still angry. (Her exact words.)
Mom: Wait till you get a job and see what a real hard day is. You’re gonna’ act out to the wrong one and be sorry.
Me: Listen to your mom, Maya. She knows what’s up. I was about to fight you on the stairs. (Which I should NOT have said, I know, but it just came out and I was kidding.)
Maya: I’m sorry. I love you. And I love your dog and your car (huh? not sure where that came from) and because you are lonely and I can be your friend. (um ….?)
At which point I turned into a tiny piece of prehistoric dinosaur poop — not even the kind of fossilized poop that makes oil, just old, stinky poop — and hugged that little sass pants because I felt like a pure-D loser that she thought I needed a friend and like a giant meanie to boot … Which I guess is why I agreed to babysit her on Saturday. Guilt, like cocaine, is a powerful drug. I blame the parents! 🙂 #needtoborrowsomelegos #whereismyfilter


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