So, this isn’t strictly making or crafting related, but it did get me thinking. Maybe you saw the Buzzfeed post this week about questions black people have for black people? If you didn’t, click the link and get ready for ridiculous.
On the one hand, I think black people would just ask each other if we needed to, so thanks, but no thanks, Buzzfeed. I know a lot of black people and I am one, too, so it’s a good bet that any questions I have about us could be answered in a conversation I have with us.
On the other hand, seriously! Buzzfeed, you all got super happy about covering blacklivesmatter and citing blacktwittwer and forgot who you are, I think. It’s okay. But really, you should probably take that video down right about now.
And in its place, maybe we could ask 27 questions that have to do with being human beings, no matter the construct under which we exist? Like, I don’t care about the color of your skin, your ethnic origin, religious beliefs, or your cis-ness or transgendered-ness. I just want to know why you keep getting on my nerves.
I’ll get us started, okay? Here we go:
- Why do you make extended eye contact with me in public places, and then get weird when I smile or say “hi” to you?
- Why do some of you hold in your sneezes instead of letting your phlegm flower out? You can do it in your sleeve, and still feel free.
- How come you chew with your mouth open? Put aside the fact that no one wants to see your meal in process, aren’t you worried something will fall out? You could be missing that one noodle that has all the sauce on it.
- How come you talk so much? Is it insecurity? If you could answer a question with four words, why use 2800?
- Why do you walk so funny?
- If you know you can’t hold your liquor, why do you agree to go to so many stag parties and/or hen parties? The wedding is tomorrow, you idiot!
- How come you get a pet with absolutely no understanding that you are responsible for it, and its poop, for at least five years? It’s a commitment, fools. The ASPCA (and me) can’t stand you.
Okay, so that’s 7. Only 20 more to go. What you got?