Okay, I guess

I was in a meeting today, after coming in late to work because, desperate for 90 minutes of no-thinks, I went to Bikram this morning again …  I love it, but it for real won’t stop with giving me nosebleeds.  Took time to go home and change out of my bloody shirt and came in to work just in time for a meeting. And it was hard.  I think because I had tried to do something just for me and it turned into something that made me feel great in the moment, and 100x worse when it was over. I was sitting in the conference room feeling bad, like, need to do toddler-frustration-cry bad. My colleague noticed I was feeling weird and super out of sorts. And, God love her (because she gets on my damned nerves all day) she’s the one colleague I have who always speaks the truth to me and lets me fight with her and get over it, looked at me and said, “You are wrong right now. You need to go to the doctor. Right now.”  And she was right!

Stress is no joke. You feel like you get used to it and that’s the way it should be. “Oh, my chest always feels this tight. My back and neck are always tense.”  Nope.

And people in work and in life and in wherever just give you more things to do and you think, “Okay, I should be able to do this, too, otherwise why would they be giving it to me or asking me to do it!”   I’ll tell you why, you fool. Because no. Nope, they don’t want to do it either, but they know your sucker-goodness will. Right up until you break from trying to get all the work in the world you have to do done at the expense of the work you yearn to do for your heart and the work you are entitled to do for your health. Balance in all things.

But if not, then you break. And thank heavens someone noticed it and yelled at me today. So, this Little Thing/Big Inspiration goes out to Miss Anne. It wasn’t a song or a picture or a moment of nostalgia. It was something that happened in real time. I will forever remember the day she said to me, “What the hell is wrong with you?  Do I need to drive you to the doctor myself?”  That’s the last time anyone is going to be more concerned about me than I am about myself and it goes on the list of things not to do ever again. Thanks, Anne!


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