The verbal offer was one thing, and gave me life for a bit. But, today, I got it on paper.
I’ve been after this job for 4 months, and after this company for 5 years, ever since I was in grad school. I got it. I worked hard for it and I got it. And now, I’m surprised at not being happier about it. It’s like the day after Christmas up in this piece.
It’s interesting that we do this. I’m not the only one. My sister, my best friend/cousin, my best friend/boyfriend and my best friend/bestie have all struggled with this feeling, too. It’s like, “Yay, I’ve done work that is kick-ass and that people love and they want to engage with me … but I’m not that great, so if they love me, does that make them not great, too, and should I not be happy about this new opportunity?” Get the f out of my head, hegemony, misogyny, racism. That I should doubt myself?
On International Women’s Day, I got a hella load of vitriol on FB and Twitter. People too afraid to post, but who had no problem DMing me. I mean, come on. Celebrating the work of women at home, at war, at work, at helping, at leading, at changing … that’s bad? No, ma’am.
I find myself remarkably made, superiorly smart and enjoying an EQ ithat s off the charts. You’ve said to me today that I’m a bitch, or that I’m being bitchy. I say back that I’m not a bitch, I’m just smarter than you.