The Best Offense …

Why don’t the Detroit Pistons think it’s important to get the offensive rebound? I guess I don’t understand enough about basketball. I mean, the Pistons are monstrous on the defensive boards ( I am afraid of them, and I’m not afraid of anything … no, not even the mouse, it just pisses me off, it doesn’t scare me, so stifle ). I think the Pistons may be too optimistic, too “up with people” — they just assume the shot is going to go, so they all get up-court and miss the opportunity to get the offensive rebound.

Now, I ain’t no basketball coach. I’m barely a productive member of society. I’m just saying. Peace out — BG (this is my new nickname, short for Baby Greens, given to me by my favorite colleagues at work. If I were a weaker person, my feelings would be hurt. But it’s as close to a hip-hop moniker as I’m going to get, so I’ll take it). One more post at game’s end. It may be a sad one. Miami is up by 5, with roughly 8 minutes to go. Detroit continues to refuse to attempt the offensive rebound. Shaq has a serious Fu Man Chu, Ben Wallce seems undaunted by it, but the Fu Man Chu is kicking his arse, and I’m pretty worried. Argh x 1000.

Detroit Pistons vs. Crappy Miami Suck-face Yucky Heat

Do you love Detroit?
I do. Look how, at the start, they’re all cute in their warm-ups. Now, they’re down by 2 in the 4th quarter wtih 11:36 to go. I am feeling very stressed out. I never wish ill-health or pain on anyone, but I do wish someone would throw an anvil down on the court and “accidentally” bean Shaq in the head. I don’t want him hurt (his head is probably very thick), just too loopy to play.

Crap, Alonzo Mourning just rejected a shot by Detroit. Maybe we need two anvils. Argh, argh, argh. More later, after the final score. Later – j.

Ad-Man, Go!

It could be that I work for the company that makes these ads, I’m not sure. If I do, and people who are the boss of me (everybody) are reading this, this whole post is a joke. If I don’t, well, read on. So, I guess it’s the time of year for travel commercials. I’ve been seeing a lot of them. On the one hand, they’re appropriate from a marketing standpoint. Europe hates us Americanos, and we all know it. You don’t really see a lot of “Come to France. We love your American asses!”, right? Makes sense.

The alternative, then, seems to be that we see ads for Mexico and Jamaica. Now, before I wrote this, I did a scant amount of secondary research to see who actually does travel to Mexico and Jamaica. Overwhelmingly, tourist resourts in Mexico are periodicallly populated by underage teenagers on Spring Break. Jamaica gets its fair share, but its tourists include more honeymooners than Mexico’s. So, maybe the tactic is to attract more monied folk to the brown island and the beige peninsula, okay. That’s fair. But, could you do it in a way that doesn’t make the native folk look like their entire existence is predicated on James and Laura going to Mexico to see the Mayan ruins, and having some grinning Mexican follow them on a bike to point out a shorter way? I mean that’s about as realistic as two gringos being invited to a family’s wedding celebration, enjoying the exotic food, and even doing a cute little cha-cha-cha line dance. Oh, but wait, maybe it’s true, because that what the commercial shows. Pandering sucks.

This is Mexico:

Rich in history, pre-colonial history, mind you — BEFORE EUROPE GOT THERE. Chock full of people who live their lives never thinking that their great deed could be directing a misguided tourist who’s riding rough-shod over the landscape in a rented Jeep to the shortest path to other-tourist-free ruin-gazing. Give me a small break, please.

So, just don’t go to Mexico and expect that people of a certain hue will not only open their arms and welcome you, but will bend over backwards in appreciation of your privileged glory. That’s all. Go and be better than the commercials would have you be. And, if you decide to visit Jamaica, too, first of all, this is it:


Now, I don’t see any place on that map marked “We Love Your Entitled Ass-ville”, so don’t live up to the low expectations for your travel that the commercials present you. Yeah, it’s great to have you there, you contribute to the economy, etc. But, I’ve been there, and I have to say that, contrary to popular depiction, it ain’t an island full of smiling brown folk desperate to be at your beck and call. Who is making these ads? Why don’t they have a higher opinion of you? I’m just saying. Later – j.

You’re hired

If anyone can ferret (get it?) out the mouse in my house, it’s this guy. I’m going to get him on retainer.


Pink is the New …

Since I’m not crafty and lonely enough, I thought sewing would really bring me out of my shell. I mean, knitting and crocheting are great, but this is REALLY going to help me make friends and influence people way better. Here is my new sewing machine:

pink mini

Pretty. Pink. Crafty. Vests for everyone for Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate … a vest is non-denominational, you know.)

Hello Kitty

I don’t understand why my sister, who has gone to the Ann Arbor Cat Clinic in hopes of finding a new pet, has not adopted these two cats. See the site at


Their names are Kimchee and Mai Lai. Maybe she can get them and ship them to me. If I were talking about the mouse, I would say that they might even be good at catching the vermin. But, since I’m not, I’ll just say they’re cute. (I would rename them Kevin and Lydia, however, but that’s just me.)

Okay, so, this is it

I have been counseled by those who love me to stop focusing on the mouse (I’m actually finally able to admit that it’s likely a “mice problem” as opposed to a “mouse problem”, but for now, let’s go with mouse). So, for the next two weeks, no mouse writing … save this post. Tonight, I learned that mice actually do make a “squeak, squeak” sound, and not just when you kill them. The “squeak, squeak” is a precursor to seeing them scurry. It puts us on alert. Thanks, mouse asshole. I appreciate the warning, and I still hate you.


Cute in the wild, yeah. Not so cute on my kitchen counter. That’s all I’m saying and I won’t say anymore about the vermin until mid June, unless I capture one of them and make him/her take me to the leader. Then, it’ll be on, and you’ll hear about it. Boo-hoo-vermin hell-hoo – j.